If you know me, you know that I really like rap music. Being a white dork from the suburbs doesn't really allow me to act like a baller all that much (the fact that I don't make millions of dollars probably doesn't help either). But after having a discussion with my mans Dan Kricke, I decided to make a list of things that are moderately baller that I can achieve this year. These aren't really in any particular order, and I'll probably add to it as I go along.
1) Pop a bottle of champagne in a bar that's going nuts while "Ima Boss" plays loud as fuck.
2) Be fat and have mad bitches be all over me. This will involve going somewhere stupid and taking as much cash out of my bank account with out bankrupting myself.
3) Wear a dress shirt, open, with no undershirt and a giant chain. I'm assuming I can buy a chain and return it the next day, as long as I don't ruin it.
4) Beat someone up while a Dipset song plays in the background.
5) Smoke weed in a luxury automobile.
6) Go to an expensive restaurant, totally not in dress code and not get let in. Only to make the Matre D look like an asshole after flashing a shit load of thuggin' money (building engineers are total thugs, trust me).
7) Have a party in a penthouse suite of a fancy hotel.
8) Have sex in a limo.
9) Eat lobster for breakfast.
10) Get a candid photo taken with someone who is actually a baller.
Dan and I have discussed hitting up The Admiral (Chicago's finest all-nude strip club, case you didn't know) on Good Friday. It's going to be a tribute to the retardedly good time we had up in Canada two years ago. So...you might be able to check off #2 then.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think you should add "Fuck Kim Kardashian and/or Amber Rose." Shoot for the stars bro.
ReplyDeleteI'm down for number 5 and 8. And Derek is busy on Good Friday, we have plans.
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