Today I was looking at a friend from high schools Facebook page. It's not at all important who, but really what about their page got me to thinking about the idea of making friends. This person went far away from home for college (a whole other state, time zone etc). In college, it's easy to make friends. You're almost forced to. Whether it's out of mutual hatred for your roommate, or just a shared love of Early Times whiskey, you're going to find someone to hang out with. But the part that got me thinking, was the fact that after college, this person then moved to an entirely new city, in another state for work.
For some people, that might sound like a terrific idea. A chance to totally reinvent oneself (hell, people do that in college). If that's what you want to do, more power to you. But it sounds fucking terrible to me. There are differences in how I think and act today, but I'm essentially the same dude I was at 14 years old. I'm OK with it. Seems like a lot of work to come up with some idea of this "cool" dude you want to be.
Back to my original point...making friends as an adult, post college. It's a totally foreign concept to me. I don't try and make friends with people. I am friendly, and a generally polite guy so I tend to become friends with people naturally. But I certainly don't try. That's the key difference, trying. If you move to a totally new place, you have to seek out friends, introduce yourself to people, try and find a common ground with your fellow man. Bleech, sounds awful. I suppose you can choose to say "fuck it", and just see who happens to like you enough to stick around. But I don't know anyone who's that anti social.
There is one key reason I don't try to make new friends: I don't have to. I have friends. Good ones. I'm not saying this in an "I'm so fucking cool, I got hella friends" type of way. I'm just saying I'm fortunate enough to have people in my life that have been around for a long time. Most of the guys I hang around with I've known since grade school. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Sure, meeting new people is cool, and some of them become friends along the way, but knowing I can be a total dick and just not talk to anyone at a party or bar is a comforting feeling.
I don't want to come off sounding like I'm some kind of recluse, and truthfully to anyone that knows me, this probably sounds hypocritical. I love talking to people. I will talk to just about anyone, anywhere about anything. Give me six beers in short order, and I'm like a goddamn tornado of socializing. But the fact of the matter is I don't HAVE to be. And that's nice. If you're my friend, and you read this, thanks.
This post makes me think of a lot of people I've worked with in the past few years who have lived in multiple cities. Now, I don't know 100% of their life, so I'm being judgmental here, but it seems like a lot of people who bounce around from city to city sort of compartmentalized their friendships. Like, if they went to school in Seattle, worked for a while in San Francisco, moved to Chicago, and are originally from bumfuck Ohio, they will have a distinct group of friends that they ONLY communicate with while in the same place. Like, no phone calls, no Facebooking, nothing. When I realized this it always seemed really messed up to me. I have a friend who I went to college with who now lives in San Francisco. I see him maybe once every year and a half in person, but we make a point of skyping every month or two, just to catch up on shit.
ReplyDeleteI guess my point is that A LOT of people seem to treat friends/the idea fo friendship as a bit of an accessory, something only relevant in a particular time and place. Because of this, they tend to have a lot of friends, but no "best friends." And they tend to not have "roots" in any particular place. Maybe I'm just a lame Chicago homer, but this seems like an awful way to live. I might leave Chicago one day, but it will always be home, and I certainly won't relegate the people I know here to the category of "my chicago friends."
Oh well, I ramble and grumble...