Pumping iron, bro.

  The last month I have been much more determined to get my health in order.  Not that I have something wrong with me, like a diagnosed disorder or something, I'm just tired of being fat.  So that being said, I have upped my normal once or twice a week trip to the gym to four or five.  Spending more time there, my disdain for other people has grown more and more each time.  Here are a few things that I think would make the gym less irritating:

1)  When you're in the locker room, don't take for-fucking-ever to do stuff.  Get changed and get the fuck out.  There's other people waiting to shower and get changed, and I don't really feel like standing there naked while you read your text messages from your shitty girlfriend who's probably cheating on you.

2) While most things in the locker room should be done quickly, with Navy Seal like precision, there is one thing you certainly shouldn't do fast: turn a corner.  There's fuckin' naked dudes in here man.  Bumping dicks with some guy is not on my list of things to do today.  So always make wide, deliberate turns when approaching corners. 

3) Don't worry about what the fuck anyone else is doing.  Don't look at my treadmill to see how fast I'm going, or what incline I'm at.  Mind your own fucking business.  Don't fucking eyeball me while I lift weights with a look on your face like; "That guy is big, but I can shoulder press more..."  I'm not there to impress you asshole.

4) While minding your own business, keep in mind the majority other people there are doing just that.  Don't do anything to draw attention to yourself, like scream really loud or something else fucking retarded.  If you do that, you're an asshole and I hope you get a knife in the dick.  Now, everyone, including myself, understands that if you're really exerting yourself, you might inadvertently let out some noise.  Fine.  But we all know that I'm talking about those jagoff's who bench 275 for three reps and scream like the just caught a golf shoe to the balls.

5) Respect other peoples space.  This is on the gym floor, and in the locker room.  Wait a goddamn second to move so you don't bump into me while I'm in the middle of a fucking exercise.  If there is room for you to leave an elliptical machine between us, don't go on the one right next to me.  Say excuse me when you need to get by (this goes for anywhere, including bars). 
  In the locker room, I think this is pretty self explanatory.  We're naked dudes, standing in close proximity to one another, give me a little breathing room.  If it's crowded, wait a minute for it to clear out, so we can have ample space to do what we need to do (people following #1 would help this greatly).

6) There's no reason for you to walk around with a duffel bag with all of your supplements, chalk, various straps and wristgaurds.  Get a goddamn locker.  Nobody thinks you're cooler because you went to GNC and bought NO Explode.  All your bag is going to do is make me trip and look like an asshole.

7) Finally, one for the laaaaaaaaaaaaadieeeeeeees:  Don't be attractive with a great butt and go on the treadmill directly in front of me.  Please.  It's distracting and I feel like a creep, because I have no choice but to look at it.

That's all I have for now.  As much as this makes me sound like I hate the gym, I'm really glad I'm back at it.  I feel physically and mentally better than I've felt in a while.  Hopefully people at the gym I go to stumble on to this and I won't have as many people to be irritated by.