Today is November 4th. A what I would consider great Halloween weekend is not too far off in the rear view mirror, the rock salt bins have been put in the parking lot of my work, and the weather is getting into that gray late fall "pre-winter" period. All of this used to mean that I, Derek Self, would start to get irrationally angry that Christmas stuff was here for the next two months.
"IT'S TOO EARLY!" I would say, while probably drinking coffee out of a holiday themed cup.
"CAN'T THEY WAIT UNTIL AFTER THANKSGIVING!?!"
But, in the last year or so, I have come to realize that I'm ready for Christmas by mid October. That was troubling to me at first. I don't want to be one of those weirdos who decorates their house November 1st, and doesn't take it down until February. But after months of getting mad at my neighbors for doing that very thing, I realized that wasn't the case. I don't really expect large gifts from anyone, and I have no significant other to celebrate with. So what is it? Why do I like it so much now? Then it hit me:
MY FAMILY*
It's one of those things that dawns on you as you get older. The emotional comfort I get from Christmas is directly related to how great it was for me growing up. I've come to realize that every Christmas I have celebrated in my 28 years as a human being has been a beautiful middle class day dream, that I wouldn't trade for anything. Each December 25th of my life has been a slice of Americana. With roasts, and pies and as the years went on, a lot of booze. It's the one day a year I know I am going to be totally relaxed (at least while single and childless) and in good company. This year will be a little rough, as it's the first year we're going to celebrate after the passing of my beloved grandma. But I know it'll be OK because I'll have my family.
Aside from realizing how great my family has made the holidays for me, there is another reason I have regained a love for Christmas: I am several years removed from working a retail job. If you want to hate Christmas with the power of a thousand Scrooge's, work a retail job. I worked at a hardware mega store, and even that was terrible. I can't imagine what it would be like to work in a mall from October to January. Christmas music was RUINED for me. Being forced to listen to "Holly Jolly Christmas" on loop is something they probably used to do in Guantanamo. But, now that I'm not forced, love the stuff.
So, from early November until about the first week of January, I will be mainlining holiday cheer and watching classic 90's Christmas commercials on YouTube. Hell, I might even buy a tree this year. If only to sit around it and think on how much I appreciate my family and all the great Christmas memories they've given me. That's not to say I won't get completely sick of Christmas commercials by January 10th, and threaten to punch Michael Bolton through my TV. But I'm going to enjoy it while it's appropriate.
*When I say family, that includes my friends. Who are as much family as anyone I share a bloodline with
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Enough already!
When you enter the work force, you're around adults as your peers for the first time. Most of your life, your interactions with middle aged, married, adults with children have been with family members, teachers or something like that. But now that these type of people are your coworkers, you get a little more insight as to what it's like to be in their shoes. You quickly learn that most people are miserable, and want nothing more than to pass their misery on to you. They give you life advice based on their shitty, unfulfilling existence and it can be scary.
But, the older you get, and the longer you're in the real world, you come to realize that fact. You're able to let their sad sack existence roll off your back and see that adult life doesn't have to be the way they tell it. Entering the final years of my 20's there are a couple of pieces of advice I'm really sick of hearing. Here they are (this is all going to be from the male perspective, duh):
1) "Don't ever get married."
There are multiple layers as to why this pisses me off:
- I'm sorry you married a bitch, I really am. But don't project that shit on to me. Don't try to sour my image of married life because you're so unhappy in your own. I know lots of people who are married and have a great time, so don't try to make your failed relationship seem like the fate of all marriages.
- Maybe you're an asshole. Maybe your marriage sucks because you're a shitty husband. Buy your wife a fucking bouquet, take the kids for the night and let her go out. Do something you used to do together before you were miserable. Do something. You shitty piece of shit deadbeat.
- Sometimes I think dudes say this stuff because they think it makes them seem cool. I used to work with a guy that would end every phone conversation with his wife by hanging up, holding the phone out and yelling "CUNT!". Then he would look and see if I laughed or not. Newsflash: I think it's way cooler if you love your wife and can't wait to see her at the end of the day.
2) "Your life is over when you have kids..."
Look, I don't have any children, so I don't really know what the fuck I'm talking about. But...your life isn't over. Your life as you previously understood life to be is over. But what did you think was going to happen? You were just going to dump your kid off with a sitter and continue going to fancy dinners and bars? What I think a lot of people mean when they say this is; "I had kids before I was ready, and now I don't know what to do". That's fine. I hope you figure it out. But don't put having kids in a negative light because you don't want to grow up and stay in on a Friday night. This only counts when it's a married couple that had a kid and now does nothing but complain. An "oops" baby is a horse of a different color.
But, the older you get, and the longer you're in the real world, you come to realize that fact. You're able to let their sad sack existence roll off your back and see that adult life doesn't have to be the way they tell it. Entering the final years of my 20's there are a couple of pieces of advice I'm really sick of hearing. Here they are (this is all going to be from the male perspective, duh):
1) "Don't ever get married."
There are multiple layers as to why this pisses me off:
- I'm sorry you married a bitch, I really am. But don't project that shit on to me. Don't try to sour my image of married life because you're so unhappy in your own. I know lots of people who are married and have a great time, so don't try to make your failed relationship seem like the fate of all marriages.
- Maybe you're an asshole. Maybe your marriage sucks because you're a shitty husband. Buy your wife a fucking bouquet, take the kids for the night and let her go out. Do something you used to do together before you were miserable. Do something. You shitty piece of shit deadbeat.
- Sometimes I think dudes say this stuff because they think it makes them seem cool. I used to work with a guy that would end every phone conversation with his wife by hanging up, holding the phone out and yelling "CUNT!". Then he would look and see if I laughed or not. Newsflash: I think it's way cooler if you love your wife and can't wait to see her at the end of the day.
2) "Your life is over when you have kids..."
Look, I don't have any children, so I don't really know what the fuck I'm talking about. But...your life isn't over. Your life as you previously understood life to be is over. But what did you think was going to happen? You were just going to dump your kid off with a sitter and continue going to fancy dinners and bars? What I think a lot of people mean when they say this is; "I had kids before I was ready, and now I don't know what to do". That's fine. I hope you figure it out. But don't put having kids in a negative light because you don't want to grow up and stay in on a Friday night. This only counts when it's a married couple that had a kid and now does nothing but complain. An "oops" baby is a horse of a different color.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Shit nobody tells you when you're a kid that I wish someone did
As you get older, you experience new things pretty frequently. Living on your own for the first time, your first bad breakup, etc etc. Big life changes are to be expected by any rational human being. But there are a few things that happen as you get older that aren't really explained to you that are pretty key. Here, in no particular order are five important pieces of information I would give a 21 year old that would actually listen to me.
1) Once you're out on your own, you spend more than half your time doing shit you don't want to do*.
This probably varies on how irresponsible you choose to be, and what your living situation is. But no matter what, you're spending time doing shit you'd rather not be doing. Say you live in apartment. Even if you don't have to mow the lawn, you still have to sit down and pay bills or do the laundry. Watching that fith hour of Law and Order: SVU isn't going to make sure your cell phone doesn't get cut off. No matter who you are or where you live, you have to run errands, clean up, cook and all that stuff. Then once you do own something, you can add maintenence and upkeep to all that other stuff.
Sure, you can put stuff off. But as I've gotten older, I now realize that's just delaying the inevidable. There's a reason my dad needed me to take out the garbage right that minute, rather than wait until later. If you just do the shit you need to do when it needs to get done, you have more time to do the stuff you WANT to be doing. He was trying to teach me that.
2) Stress is a mother fucker
This one is a bit tricky because I wouldn't want to scare kids into thinking that adult life is nothing but people putting the screws to you about every little thing. But sometimes it is. The biggest thing about stress is learing to deal with it. In my case it was stopping myself from eating a whole bunch of garbage when work or something else got to be overwhelming. Sure it makes you feel better to rely on a vice, but it's just fucking you over in the long run. Breathe, relax, be logical and you can work through just about anything. If things get to be too much even after all that, talk to someone.
3) All that shit about hangovers, and not being able to eat what you want is true
I maintain that you don't really start getting hangovers until you're over 25. Chances are you've had a hangover if you're under 25 and drink. But not the crippling hangover that lasts two days (sometimes more) and extends to the beggining of your work week. THAT'S a hangover.
It's cliche, but that stuff about changing your eating habits is true too. When I was 22, I worked out more than twice a week and didn't have to concern myself as much with what I ate. I was still fat, but a tighter, more in shape fat. I could still lose 10-15 pounds at the drop of a hat if I put my mind to it. Now? Forget it. Between not wanting to spend my free time at the gym, and how easy it is to eat fast food, it's a struggle. There are still assholes you're friends with that can eat whatever they want and stay skinny through most of their 20's. But by 28, time starts to catch up with those jerk offs too. You're told both of these things when you're younger, but they need to be emphasised more.
Oh yeah, kind of on point, but one day you're going to wake up and stuff just hurts. You'll have no idea why,but it will. Have fun with that.
4) People that are part of your life for a long time will cease to be there
If you're lucky like me, you'll keep a lot of good friends for most of your life. But wether it's death, moving or just plain bad circumstances people will be gone. You'll work with someone for multiple years, develop a friendship and then one day just never talk to them again. Your childhood neighbors move, and after nearly 20 years of seeing them every day, they're gone. It's something, at least for me that never crossed my mind when I was younger. It's not always a bad thing, just a part of growing up.
5) The older you get, the faster time moves
Days turn into weeks, turn into months, turn into years. Then one day you say to yourself; 'Holy shit that was ten years ago...' It's something I dwell on perhaps too much, but it constantly blows my mind how relentless time is. It's never stopping for me, for you, for anyone. Enjoy as much of it as you can.
*Unless you're really rich
1) Once you're out on your own, you spend more than half your time doing shit you don't want to do*.
This probably varies on how irresponsible you choose to be, and what your living situation is. But no matter what, you're spending time doing shit you'd rather not be doing. Say you live in apartment. Even if you don't have to mow the lawn, you still have to sit down and pay bills or do the laundry. Watching that fith hour of Law and Order: SVU isn't going to make sure your cell phone doesn't get cut off. No matter who you are or where you live, you have to run errands, clean up, cook and all that stuff. Then once you do own something, you can add maintenence and upkeep to all that other stuff.
Sure, you can put stuff off. But as I've gotten older, I now realize that's just delaying the inevidable. There's a reason my dad needed me to take out the garbage right that minute, rather than wait until later. If you just do the shit you need to do when it needs to get done, you have more time to do the stuff you WANT to be doing. He was trying to teach me that.
2) Stress is a mother fucker
This one is a bit tricky because I wouldn't want to scare kids into thinking that adult life is nothing but people putting the screws to you about every little thing. But sometimes it is. The biggest thing about stress is learing to deal with it. In my case it was stopping myself from eating a whole bunch of garbage when work or something else got to be overwhelming. Sure it makes you feel better to rely on a vice, but it's just fucking you over in the long run. Breathe, relax, be logical and you can work through just about anything. If things get to be too much even after all that, talk to someone.
3) All that shit about hangovers, and not being able to eat what you want is true
I maintain that you don't really start getting hangovers until you're over 25. Chances are you've had a hangover if you're under 25 and drink. But not the crippling hangover that lasts two days (sometimes more) and extends to the beggining of your work week. THAT'S a hangover.
It's cliche, but that stuff about changing your eating habits is true too. When I was 22, I worked out more than twice a week and didn't have to concern myself as much with what I ate. I was still fat, but a tighter, more in shape fat. I could still lose 10-15 pounds at the drop of a hat if I put my mind to it. Now? Forget it. Between not wanting to spend my free time at the gym, and how easy it is to eat fast food, it's a struggle. There are still assholes you're friends with that can eat whatever they want and stay skinny through most of their 20's. But by 28, time starts to catch up with those jerk offs too. You're told both of these things when you're younger, but they need to be emphasised more.
Oh yeah, kind of on point, but one day you're going to wake up and stuff just hurts. You'll have no idea why,but it will. Have fun with that.
4) People that are part of your life for a long time will cease to be there
If you're lucky like me, you'll keep a lot of good friends for most of your life. But wether it's death, moving or just plain bad circumstances people will be gone. You'll work with someone for multiple years, develop a friendship and then one day just never talk to them again. Your childhood neighbors move, and after nearly 20 years of seeing them every day, they're gone. It's something, at least for me that never crossed my mind when I was younger. It's not always a bad thing, just a part of growing up.
5) The older you get, the faster time moves
Days turn into weeks, turn into months, turn into years. Then one day you say to yourself; 'Holy shit that was ten years ago...' It's something I dwell on perhaps too much, but it constantly blows my mind how relentless time is. It's never stopping for me, for you, for anyone. Enjoy as much of it as you can.
*Unless you're really rich
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Stars and Stripes Forever
A week ago today I was like a kid on Christmas Eve. Instead of sugarplum fairies dancing through my head, there were brats and plastic beer cups. It was July 3rd, and I was ready to enjoy the long weekend. And boy did I.
But after all of the crushed light beers and junk food was over, I had a small realization: There is nowhere in the world I would rather be on July 4th than Bartlett, IL. It's where I grew up, and where I still live today (total townie), and we do it right. As long as I can remember, it's been the best time of year in our little shit of a Village (not city). As an adult, especially one without children, the appeal of the 4th of July is obvious. Days off of work, cook outs, day drinking. But even as a kid I think I realized that Independence Day was special.
It starts with all of the tents and rides going up in Apple Orchard Park. There's a little bit of electricity to the air and everyone young and old knows that means it's time to get loose. Whether you're a twenty something looking to get blind drunk, or a 9 year old that knows they're going to get a little extra leeway because mom and dad a couple extra beers on the walk over, it's party time.
The fest usually opens on the night of July 3rd. If you're smart (and in close enough proximity) you walk. This walk is the first part that makes the weekend special. For what I think a lot of people would consider a bedroom community, I don't feel like there's a lot of neighborly interaction in Bartlett. Not enough as least. But over this span of a few days, especially the first day, everyone in town are buddies. Open containers? Sure! Sharing beers with strangers? Why not!? In that walk the aforementioned mom and dad get to have those couple extra beers, and they don't have to worry about driving the mini van home.
For the first time in a couple of years I made it a point to go to the fest, and hang out at the beer tent. And it's the same as it ever was. Perfect. The right mix of old friends and quite a few people that make one think; "Where the hell did that guy come from?" Teenagers awkwardly smoking cigarettes, pre teens running around like idiots because they don't quite know what to do with themselves. It's all there for you to enjoy. Everyone is in a good mood, and seeing your tee ball coach after you've had three luke warm Miller Lites isn't the laborious conversation it is if you cross paths at Jewel. Personally, I like to end my fest attendance with one night. It's the perfect amount of time spent under a hot tent.
The next day, on the 4th, that's what you save your energy for. Even as a kid, I would wake up knowing it was a special day. Before the sweet release of drinking 25 beers, it was cake and hot dogs and blowing shit up. There's that same electricity throughout town. People walking all over, waving, stopping by parties on the way to another.
As time went on, and legalities would allow (being over 21), I started throwing parties at my parents house. The first one was spur of the moment, but up until two years ago (when I moved out), I like to think we threw a hell of a shindig. Things have tapered down a bit the last couple of years, but we still have a great day in the pool, and the magic is still in the air.
The rest of the weekend continues on like this. Good vibes, friendly people, a bingo tent to attend. It's all there in our boring little town for 4 days. Sure, it's probably cool to hang out on a yacht, and watch fireworks on Lake Michigan. But I'll take my family, friends, and parents rusty 4ft pool every year.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Hey, remember that one time...
Recently, I've been spending a lot of long, lonely nights at work. When one is unhappy with their current station, and has time to let their mind wander, they tend to think of happy thoughts. Well, unless you're a total bummer. In that case, shape up! Life ain't so bad!
While thinking of these happy thoughts, it occurred to me that I have a lot of really happy, fond memories that are attached to, what seemed at the time anyway, inconsequential events. I'm sure everyone has these, and they are super fun to think about. Anyway, here are a couple of mine that popped up recently, please share yours in the comments and we'll all have a fun discussion.
- My dear friend Will and I were supposed to go see the band Ceremony on a Sunday evening. There was a noon Bears game that he came over to watch, and we were to head to the city afterward. It was November and the weather was just starting to turn, so it was chilly with what Tom Skilling would call a "wintry mix". For some reason, neither of us spoke much during the game, and it was almost as if both of us were nervous. Finally, as the 4th quarter was winding down, Will took a deep breath and said; "Hey, what if we don't go to this show...?"
I had never been so relieved to hear a question in my life. As I too, did not really want to go. I told him that I had been trying to figure out a way to ask the same thing, but we both thought the other REALLY wanted to go and didn't want to be a bummer. We laughed and then settled into the couches in my parents basement to watch football on that shitty November day. Like Americans.
This will always stick out as such a happy moment between me and my buddy. I'm not really sure why.
- There's an equally less thrilling story with this one. But for some reason it's just burned into my brain. It was the summer of 2010, and it was a gorgeous summer night in my friend Sam's garage. See, Sam's garage was clubhouse of sorts. For a lot of people all the way back to high school, for myself from the age of 18 until he moved to the city with his now wife in 2011.
Anyhow, it was a weeknight and Sam texted to see if I wanted to enjoy some cold beers. I arrived with some Shiner Bocks and a pack of smokes and we drank, and talked while Pat and Ron gave us the Cubs game as background music. Eventually our buddy Joe Legions arrived and more of the same went on until it was time to call it a night. The Cubs won, but it's not like it was an important game. We had a good time, but nothing significant happened. I can't tell you why I think on it so fondly, even down to remembering what kind of beer I brought over, but I always will. I've had so many good times, with big stories that involve hi-jinx, and way more people, but this one is what I'll always remember. This was the essence of why the garage was so great.
These are the two that have come to mind recently. Like I said they're not of REAL significance, but they're special to me. These little things are what make life worth living. I have a thousand more that I'm sure will come to mind, but for now, these will hold me over.
While thinking of these happy thoughts, it occurred to me that I have a lot of really happy, fond memories that are attached to, what seemed at the time anyway, inconsequential events. I'm sure everyone has these, and they are super fun to think about. Anyway, here are a couple of mine that popped up recently, please share yours in the comments and we'll all have a fun discussion.
- My dear friend Will and I were supposed to go see the band Ceremony on a Sunday evening. There was a noon Bears game that he came over to watch, and we were to head to the city afterward. It was November and the weather was just starting to turn, so it was chilly with what Tom Skilling would call a "wintry mix". For some reason, neither of us spoke much during the game, and it was almost as if both of us were nervous. Finally, as the 4th quarter was winding down, Will took a deep breath and said; "Hey, what if we don't go to this show...?"
I had never been so relieved to hear a question in my life. As I too, did not really want to go. I told him that I had been trying to figure out a way to ask the same thing, but we both thought the other REALLY wanted to go and didn't want to be a bummer. We laughed and then settled into the couches in my parents basement to watch football on that shitty November day. Like Americans.
This will always stick out as such a happy moment between me and my buddy. I'm not really sure why.
- There's an equally less thrilling story with this one. But for some reason it's just burned into my brain. It was the summer of 2010, and it was a gorgeous summer night in my friend Sam's garage. See, Sam's garage was clubhouse of sorts. For a lot of people all the way back to high school, for myself from the age of 18 until he moved to the city with his now wife in 2011.
Anyhow, it was a weeknight and Sam texted to see if I wanted to enjoy some cold beers. I arrived with some Shiner Bocks and a pack of smokes and we drank, and talked while Pat and Ron gave us the Cubs game as background music. Eventually our buddy Joe Legions arrived and more of the same went on until it was time to call it a night. The Cubs won, but it's not like it was an important game. We had a good time, but nothing significant happened. I can't tell you why I think on it so fondly, even down to remembering what kind of beer I brought over, but I always will. I've had so many good times, with big stories that involve hi-jinx, and way more people, but this one is what I'll always remember. This was the essence of why the garage was so great.
These are the two that have come to mind recently. Like I said they're not of REAL significance, but they're special to me. These little things are what make life worth living. I have a thousand more that I'm sure will come to mind, but for now, these will hold me over.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
It's 2014, let's get it together people.
I will be 28 years old in six months. For those that aren't real good at basic math, that means I am almost 30 years of age. To most people (myself included) 30 is a milestone. An age where you hope that you have your shit together, and your life is progressing in some semblance of the direction you want it to. As a person who is 30 (or almost 30), one would think their peers would be hip to the goings on in the world, and maybe even have an mildly educated opinion on them. At least an opinion based on facts.
I suppose it's one of the major drawbacks of social media. The fact that everyone has a platform to express their ideas and theories on things (much like this one, just as worthless as any other). And in no way am I trying to discourage people from putting forth their thoughts and feelings, but when it comes to matters of fact, have your shit together before you spew nonsense for the world to read. I'm not talking about 18 year old kids who don't know any better. I'm talking to the dumb as rocks adults that post OBVIOUSLY fake "news" stories from partisan political websites (both sides of the aisle). Or people that regurgitate something they heard their dad say about politics, but can't defend their stance. These are ADULTS that put these things out there.
I'm not that smart. Shit, I didn't even go to real college for more than a semester, but I know one thing for sure: If you're not sure something is legit, don't attach your name to it. So what if your dad let you have a sip of his Bud Light when you were 11? He may not know what the fuck he's talking about. Same goes for many news outlets, don't take things at face value. In a world where it takes 30 seconds of Google research to prove or disprove something, it's amazing how many people just agree with a story or opinion that fits their narrative. JUST LOOK IT UP! It's not hard! Maybe I am an optimist, but I would like to think most people I know are intelligent enough to spot fake news. But if you're not sure, and are too lazy to go to Snopes and look it up, don't post it!
When it comes to matters of opinion based on false facts, that's where I get really steamed. I would never tell anyone how to think, but what I would tell people is to keep an open mind. Don't be stubborn. If someone presents you with information that could potentially sway your opinion, listen to it. You can't ignore something just because it's not what you agree with, that's childish. Listen. Argue with the person, but don't dismiss the information. And for the record, an argument does not consist of one side repeating the same thing over and over again until the other side gives up. The other side gave up because they realize you're dumb. There is however one surefire way to keep yourself from looking stupid, one that I try to use as often as I can: IF YOU DON'T KNOW SOMETHING, SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Ask questions, sure, but coming into a hot button issue half cocked is a sure way to make yourself look like a dummy.
This whole thing is just a rant about something that's been bothering me for a while. If you're an adult, think about what you post and attach to yourself before you do it. Believe it or not, the slew of dick and fart jokes that make up my Facebook statuses are carefully thought out and researched. I really hope people I'm friends with keep presenting interesting news stories, and expressing their opinions. But for god's sake people, have your shit together before you come at me with some sideways logic. Happy New Year, gang. I'm gonna go watch COPS.
I suppose it's one of the major drawbacks of social media. The fact that everyone has a platform to express their ideas and theories on things (much like this one, just as worthless as any other). And in no way am I trying to discourage people from putting forth their thoughts and feelings, but when it comes to matters of fact, have your shit together before you spew nonsense for the world to read. I'm not talking about 18 year old kids who don't know any better. I'm talking to the dumb as rocks adults that post OBVIOUSLY fake "news" stories from partisan political websites (both sides of the aisle). Or people that regurgitate something they heard their dad say about politics, but can't defend their stance. These are ADULTS that put these things out there.
I'm not that smart. Shit, I didn't even go to real college for more than a semester, but I know one thing for sure: If you're not sure something is legit, don't attach your name to it. So what if your dad let you have a sip of his Bud Light when you were 11? He may not know what the fuck he's talking about. Same goes for many news outlets, don't take things at face value. In a world where it takes 30 seconds of Google research to prove or disprove something, it's amazing how many people just agree with a story or opinion that fits their narrative. JUST LOOK IT UP! It's not hard! Maybe I am an optimist, but I would like to think most people I know are intelligent enough to spot fake news. But if you're not sure, and are too lazy to go to Snopes and look it up, don't post it!
When it comes to matters of opinion based on false facts, that's where I get really steamed. I would never tell anyone how to think, but what I would tell people is to keep an open mind. Don't be stubborn. If someone presents you with information that could potentially sway your opinion, listen to it. You can't ignore something just because it's not what you agree with, that's childish. Listen. Argue with the person, but don't dismiss the information. And for the record, an argument does not consist of one side repeating the same thing over and over again until the other side gives up. The other side gave up because they realize you're dumb. There is however one surefire way to keep yourself from looking stupid, one that I try to use as often as I can: IF YOU DON'T KNOW SOMETHING, SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Ask questions, sure, but coming into a hot button issue half cocked is a sure way to make yourself look like a dummy.
This whole thing is just a rant about something that's been bothering me for a while. If you're an adult, think about what you post and attach to yourself before you do it. Believe it or not, the slew of dick and fart jokes that make up my Facebook statuses are carefully thought out and researched. I really hope people I'm friends with keep presenting interesting news stories, and expressing their opinions. But for god's sake people, have your shit together before you come at me with some sideways logic. Happy New Year, gang. I'm gonna go watch COPS.
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