Often times while I'm watching TV I have a lot of thoughts running through my head. Generally the thought is; "OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE COMMERCIALS." So, here are a few things I would like to see happen to people in commercials I don't like.
1) There's a Jimmy Johns commercial where a guy is in an air plane that is delayed for some reason or another. Unfortunately for him, his seat is sandwiched in between two large men, making for an uncomfortable wait. That is the first thing wrong with this commercial, the two guys. Who the fuck are these guys supposed to be? They have on these ridiculous "gangster" outfits that consist of graphic hoodies and sideways hats. What? Why? Why can't they just be two big dudes? Fuck whoever wrote this commercial. Finally, the man in the uncomfortable situation decides the best remedy for this problem is ordering a sandwich from JJ's. So, suddenly, there is a knock at the air plane door, and lo and behold a Jimmy Johns delivery girl with the guys Beach Club. What I would like to see happen next, is the delivery girl get tackled by a TSA agent and tazed. Then thrown in the can because she probably broke a fuck ton of laws getting on that tarmac and opening and air plane door after it was closed or whatever.
2) Taco Bell has an advertisement for their new Dorito tacos, in which a young man, probably close to my age drives over 900 miles in order to try said tacos. Fuck that guy. He is an embarrassment to my generation of human beings. I eat fast food as much as anyone, but I would NEVER drive more than 5 minutes to get a taco from Taco Bell. What I would like to see happen in this commercial, is the car filled with this asshole and his friends drive off a goddamn cliff.
3) Anyone in the AT&T commercials that says something like; "That was so 10 seconds ago..." should get hit in the head with a hammer. Don't fucking talk to me like that. I asked you a question. I'm a grown ass man and I expect you to answer me like one.
4) I hope something generally bad happens to the T Mobile girl. I don't like her, and I don't really have a good reason.
5) Match.com can go eat a dick too. The people in those commercials are not using online dating. They look far too attractive and successful. People that use dating sites are, well, people like me. I hope each and everyone of those beautiful people end up married and in horrible relationships, but won't get divorced because they are Catholic.
There's so much more television vitriol running through my veins, but I'll save it for another time. This all makes me seem like an angry hateful person. I'm mostly not that. TV just makes me angry. I should probably watch less.
